50 Shades of Bad

For those of you who haven’t read the book 50 Shades of Grey, and somehow managed to dodge the related news too, Christian Grey, the main character is a super-rich, young, seductive, handsome, tall, with piercing grey eyes and dark haired. He is breathtakingly handsome, mysterious and charismatic, ambitious, driven, he seems to have it all sorted – until you find out he is deeply emotionally disturbed and traumatized by his troubled childhood. In other words, he is your Ultimate Bad Boy.

Christian vents his issues through power games in the bedroom – by dominating his partners, but not just in the red room. His latest potential submissive partner is a young, beautiful,
indecisive and insecure girl Anastasia, a virgin at 21. She seems to be the perfect object of his desire and an easy target for his control.

He tells her what to wear, what car to drive, how much sleep and exercise she needs to have, how much to eat, even goes as far as buying a company where she works so he can sack her boss and
make sure she doesn’t get harassed by him. And that’s of course all for her own good , he wants her to be happy, safe and fit. She falls head over heels for him, and though she isn’t so keen to play the submissive part, Christian falls in love with her so madly he is willing to change his Grey ways and become a nice guy.

Have you ever noticed that the most attractive and interesting women seem to be attracted to men who don’t treat them very well? And it’s almost like the nicer you are to a woman the more she often seems to friend/bro zone you? It’s a mystery how a lot of women aren’t usually romantically attracted to nice
guys. Most women are attracted to men who are funny, confident, and really mysterious. Good looks don’t hurt, and if you’re not 6’4″ tall and handsome, then it seems like you have to learn how to attract women with your personality because being just nice isn’t going to do it for you.

After watching this film, that is the 1st of a 3 part series, I remember later on joking with a girlfriend over coffee about the kind of men we would want to have. My girlfriend put it this way:
“I don’t want a stiff, straight kind of guy”. I replied, “Yeah you want one of those ‘gentle thugs’ right!?” We laughed, but then how often is this true for most girls? But here’s the truth why most
girls fall for Christian Greys kind of guys;

• Troubled but eager to be “saved” by the right girl.
• Wealthy, powerful, charismatic, intriguing man – not to mention also smart, educated and cultured.
• He takes care of her and makes all the hard decisions so she doesn’t have to – makes life so much easier.
• He makes her feel safe and secure – not just because he’s got tons of money, but because
• He always knows what to do.

In real sense though, this is who Christian Grey is;

• Deeply insecure that he had to create this enormous wealth and gather vast knowledge to hide behind it.
• A control-freak who can’t be around people who don’t follow his instructions, because he’s too scared of getting hurt.
• Lacking the courage or emotional maturity to deal with his issues on his own, so he projects them on his partners

The way the film ends doesn’t really play into a great answer for the question why good girls fall for bad boys.

This is a story that illustrates how we are always attracted to what is not good for us. And I think it has to do first and foremost with our sinful nature (Romans 7:14-24.) If we are honest, that which is sinful is always attractive to us and our earthly natures. Think of Samson who was attracted to the delicious lady D, not exactly the kind of woman he should have been pursuing, but he did it
anyway, because he wanted what he wanted and look where it got him (Judges 16).

Way too many women fall for Grey lookalikes, they seem like an easy way to getting an exciting and full, yet stable and carefree life we all want. His troubled soul is not necessarily a
minus rather a sign that he is capable of deep emotions. And we all like to date a guy with some emotional capacity, don’t we? How many of you girls have at one point or another been attracted to a guy because you thought you could save him from himself? Heal his wounded heart, bring out all the wonderful potential you know he has and shape him into this knight with shining armor? and he will, because he finally has someone who loves him so much -you!

Theoretically possible but unfortunately doesn’t really work very well in practice. He won’t change unless he himself works hard on his issues or gets a good therapist. He won’t get magically transformed by your love, he’ll just use it as a crutch at times when he feels sorry for himself until all his wealth and charm eventually stop compensating for their immaturity and you realize you’re sharing your life with a selfish person.

Eventually in the 3rd part of 50 shades, Christian is freed from his childhood and internal traumas, but it took him Anastacia having a near death experience for him to have a change of heart – not because she was a beautiful girl, hard working or great in the red room or sweet. The point is, no one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There’s only one thing that makes someone change, their own realization that they need to do it. And there’s only one time it will happen -WHEN THEY DECIDE THEY ARE READY. I have been in a couple of very abusive relationships (which i will share in up coming articles) and i know how true this is. No matter how good & loving you are or how pure your intentions are, you hold no power to change someone who is not willing to change.

I know this is cheating, but try to imagine him average looking, overweight and with no beard or money in the bank. Would he still be able to keep you under a spell of his amazing charm
and dazzling personality? mh??

Ps: This blog was 1st published in 2018