My Battle of Faith With Endometriosis.

I sat uncomfortably as I listened to the doctor explaining to me what the scans showed. Prior to this appointment, I was so full of hope and courage. I had previously had two laparoscopic and hysteroscopic surgeries with different doctors and I had received a clean bill of health. I still had the pain but I thought to myself, this must be something minor. The current doctor is one of the most sought after Endometriosis doctor in our country. My heart broke in pieces when he said that there was no other solution for me unless I do another Laparoscopic and hysteroscopic procedure. I felt faith fly out of the window and every hope squeezed out at that moment.

Would you be able to to talk about hope and faith after unthinkable calamities or disasters? Have you ever wondered why the children of Israel wept when they were asked to sing the Songs of Zion in a slave land – they wept bitterly when they remembered Zion, their future looked desolate, they had lost it all – their pride, their land, and their identity as a nation set apart by God for a special destiny. We know the words – there’s always hope – are true but sometimes it’s hard to believe them and lose heart when you go through seasons of tribulations.

In the book of Mark 5:25 a story is given of a certain woman: ²⁵ Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, ²⁶ and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. ²⁷ When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. ²⁸ For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”²⁹ Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the ^[f]affliction……………….

A woman bleeding for 12 straight years without a break sounds horrible. She was a woman of means and could afford the best physicians but with every intervention from physicians, it only got worse. This is the one of the most preached about stories in the bible up to date. If you ask any woman who has dealt with endometriosis, infertility, or any other reproductive health issue, this story sounds ghastly familiar. It almost feels like you move from one issue to another. I have had instances where I took very long breaks between appointments because I had run out of strength to keep doing it, not to mention the crazy costs of treatment.

There has been so many instances in my life, especially when I have been in excruciating pain that I have questioned my faith. When you are faced with what looks like a somewhat chronic issue, it’s hard to believe you are blessed and God cares. This are the days the enemy will whisper any manner of lie to you. I remember one instance we were about to take Holy Communion and when my husband asked me to prepare the tokens, I burst into tears and I refused to do it. I was in pain emotionally, I was deeply hurt. If you know me in person I’m very big on faith but this particular evening I had none. I felt cheated, I felt that I was on the other side of the door knocking with no answer, I was still in pain, no signs of improvement, no money for hospital and not sure if I will ever be able to have more children. I had watched as other people testify and I felt dejected, did God really care about my situation? Why could God not just heal me? I have faith for it. I wondered what I did to deserve something like this. I asked God why there are physically healthy murderers and rapists in the world, and I am the one suffering. I got to a point where I couldn’t take any more prophecies or answer altar calls about healing and children. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and then come crashing down so staying out of Faith was a safe space for me, I even asked my husband one time ‘‘did God really say that?” – the devil lied.

I have come to know that Faith is something you have to constantly remind yourself. Faith is not a golden ticket in a first class to Hawaii, away from troubles and the hostess at your service -Nope! Many times, Faith is putting up a fight. Many people in the Bible lived lives that were filled with difficulties and hardships, even with the strongest of Faith. Sometimes you have to trust that God will give you strength in the midst of your adversity. There are days I’ve dragged myself to places when I’m in pain and I have carried out my assignments to the end with Grace. Other times I have failed to show up, cancelled things last minute, walked out of places suddenly because the pain was unbearable to be in a public/open place. The point is, Faith does not eliminate pain, you may long for it to vanish or wear off but it isn’t.

I have heard of women who have gone through this experiences in their life and some had a great ending and some did not. Some have lost their lives, some have given up and committed suicide, some have lost their marriages. Some have let the pain get the best of them and let their depression take over. I’m so sure that these women at times, were able to find strength in something greater than themselves and at other times not so much. I have personally vowed to think more positively and find strength in God but sadly even the strongest of Christians struggle with their faith and staying positive in the face of illness and pain, and sometimes the cross that they bear becomes too much and they play God by backsliding, suicide or even divorce.

God knows His plans for everyone on earth from beginning to end, He has a race for you to run and you can sprint toward the finish line with joyful assurance. He knows our suffering whatever it is and He knows that we can overcome it and find strength in it. Suicide, backsliding or divorce is not part of the plan. Doing so shows people that when they are going through something difficult in their lives that instead of trying to get through it and keep fighting while trusting in God, that giving up is so much easier. Sometimes, I’m sure it is easier but God has a better plan when we refuse to give up but fight to keep our Faith.

This woman in the story her faith was so strong. She knew that Jesus could heal her, and luckily He did. I’m encouraged that she had run out of money, maybe even friends but she had not run out of Faith. When the opportunity came and she discerned it, she fought through the crowds and eventually her Faith paid off. To every woman/ person reading this, your situation may not be similar to mine but it’s a Faith journey – There Is Hope – after Babylonians looted Jerusalem and all its glories, God’s children were dispersed across the nations. What followed were decades of darkness, lamentation and silence. Then one day, a ruler named Cyrus the Persian came to power and gave permission for the exiles to return home and rebuild. There is Hope! Fight to keep the Faith.

If you know of anyone struggling with Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, infertility or any other condition, share this blog and encourage them.

Blessings!!