Descendants of Pharaoh

What do you do when you are abused by someone you love or you believed loved you and had the best interests in your heart for you? Consider this story; One day a turtle was sitting at the edge of the river readying itself to swim across to the other side. While preparing to cross, a scorpion approached the turtle and asked for a ride across to the other side. The turtle responded “why would I do that? You will sting me”. The scorpion pleaded with the turtle and finally wore the turtle down with his assurances that he would not sting the turtle. Well, as soon as they got to the middle of the river, the scorpion stung the turtle. In shock, the turtle asked the scorpion, “why would you do that? Now we are both going to drown and die!” The scorpion calmly looked at the turtle and said, “just because you were willing to be my friend does not mean I am not a scorpion, you should have known that I was going to sting you!! That’s my nature!”

Listen beloved, an abuser will abuse you regardless of how good you are, how much you love them, forgive them, try to make them happy, pray for them, beg them or wish they’d change. I’ve seen and heard countless stories of abuse in different spaces – work, romantic relationships, marriages, parent and children, leaders, etctc and I have also been through a couple of abusive relationships in my personal life. One story from a few years back in my life; I was actively serving in my local church assembly and like many single girls, I was looking forward to be found by “the one”. Soon enough, I was approached by a brother and this brother quickly wooed me with his discourse of our shared perspectives of life, passion for church work, and a vision of us as a happily married couple. He was also a darling to many from the Pastors to everyone which was a very admirable character.

The first few weeks of our relationship were full of bliss and giggles, but a couple of weeks later, our ship was faced by serious storms. My then newly found boyfriend quickly became emotionally abusive, after having displayed charm, attentiveness, and romance in our whirlwind courtship. He would go into serious fits of anger and he’d yell at me and if I dared challenge or question his character, I’d be faced with wrath and pages of insults on messages. This brother I must say had good grammar so every time I’d read the messages I’d be shocked with how he’d put everything together in good grammar but nasty. If you have ever watched Prison Break, you must know a character by the name Theodore aka T Bag – a very intelligent scum and a con that had mastered how to slither his way anywhere he wants and boy has good English and he’d woo his victims with charming words but in the end his fangs would bite you so bad – yeah, that kind of a thing.

Over time his behavior escalated from trying to control my choices of who I should talk to and who not to, to blaming me for his anger, to yelling. He shamed me with critical words and verbal assaults over and over again. The Christianity coloring he had put on was really wearing off at this point. One of the most painful incidences that happened (they were so many) was when he one day we were in the midst of an argument and in his fits of anger, he told me that during his prayer time, the lord showed him that I had an abortion and that was the reason for my sickness and I needed to be clear with him and repent!!! damn, boy was even a prophet now. I remember going home that day and I drenched myself in tears before God asking Him why He’d lie about me. After finishing the pity party I heard a loud voice so clear in my spirit say to me “that was not me” and then total silence you could hear a pin drop!!!!!

In that moment still there reconciling everything, it’s like a beam of light hit me in my mind and heart suddenly and I realized that I was deeply in an abusive relationship and I have to figure my way out. Just a btw, if you know my story which I have shared here before, you will know that I have struggled with Endometriosis for a long period of time and around this time I met this brother, I had just done my 1^st surgery and I was on recovery. I don’t pretend to have a perfect past but even with my far from perfect past, I have NEVER had an abortion or gotten pregnant except with the one child I have so far. Moving on, what would happen was every time I’d look like I’m pulling away, this brother would apologize deeply and I’d go back straight into the sinking ship again hoping that things would be better, I need to learn forgiveness, oo I must love unconditionally, blablabla. If you ask anyone who has an experience with an abuser, abusers feel and express emotions deeply – anger, hatred, jealousy, love, joy, care, etcc. The relationship ended, and the end was really ugly guys. I was dumped (via a whatsapp message) and left with a wounded heart and a totally deflated self-esteem. The brother of course was unrepentant (remember the scorpion story above), never apologized and moved on with his life like nothing had happened and he made sure he told everyone who knew me a pack of porkies to cover up the real reason of our short-lived courtship ended.

I have heard tons of abuse stories and the constant thing is, no one sees it coming until you are in too deep. One of the problems with abuse is that it requires two parties: an abuser and a victim. An abuser always moves from one victim to another and hardly are they ever alone and sometimes they have a chain of victims on their trail that they keep going back where they sense vulnerability when they can’t find a new prey and the cycle continues. Unfortunately, victims of abusive relationships sometimes find themselves in the same cycles over and over again sometimes for years before they break loose and some even end up losing their lives, why? Therapists explain that this cycles of abuse are equivalent of being addicted to drugs because your body is going through a chemical reaction over and over and over again, so you get addicted to the highs and then the low is so bad that you’ll do anything to make it stop and in recovery it’s what they call a fall back.

So, what does the bible say?  Hebrews 6:4-8 “For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt, For land that has drunk the rain that often falls on it, and produces a crop useful to those for whose sake it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. But if it bears thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to being cursed, and its end is to be burned…”

In other words, it is possible for an abuser to wear a mask of Christianity and this is what theologians call a reprobate. A Christian, who says s/he believes in Christ and who appears as a pious saint in his church, yet is consumed by a lust for power, control, anger and such. Is it possible that such a person, if we assume that s/he is not saved, ever can be?  A reprobate is a person like Pharaoh, raised up for the very purpose of demonstrating the justice of God, a vessel appointed to destruction Rom 9: 17 ….for this purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you…………….so then he has mercy on whomever he wills and he hardens whomever he wills…. Let me draw focus on this point that we cannot know with certainty who such people are, ultimately they are known only to God, but we can use this scripture reference to encourage abuse victims to consider why waiting and waiting for an abuser to “get saved” is probably not very wise because according to this scripture, there are vessels appointed for destruction.

When a person decides to embrace Christianity as a mask to hide behind, they commit a sin that is very odious to the Lord. Many of you could give firsthand accounts like mine, and I have heard many of them, of how your abuser played the game in church. How s/he deceived or maybe even continues to deceive the church. S/He is an apostate because they reject what they know to be the truth, but remain in the church anyway, and just thinking out loud, what kind of mind does it take to do that and still be able to sleep at night? Is it not the mind of a sociopath? the mind with no conscience?

My point is this the abuser who is pretending to be a Christian is the hardest and most treacherous of all abusers. It is impossible to renew them again to repentance. They are the Esaus, a person who by the work of the Holy Spirit, has come to know the truth of Christ and even, you might say, have been given a glimpse and taste of the glories of heaven, but like Esau they despise it. Their end is to be burned.

You could be there and maybe you are focused on your abuser’s salvation. Maybe you are even wiser and you have distanced yourself (physically) for your safety, and you believe that Christ is going to save your abuser. May your faith increase if you truly believe this is your calling and blessings on you beloved. But from what I have seen, heard and experienced, I would not advise this to an abuse victim because the fact is most abusers never change, they just change preys.

If you are recovering from abuse, part of it may mean a lot of grieving for the future you thought you were going to have. Nobody wants to invest their time on something that is going nowhere. Surround yourself with people that love you and can walk with you. Revealing the truth to people you trust is also very important because it brings some freedom and when you taste a little bit of the freedom, you will want more of it. May the Love of Jesus heal you.

Carry On.