The Friend Indeed In Infertility

Infertility is a heart wrenching pain that is beyond difficult to explain to someone who has not experienced it. As a Mum in waiting and for many of us in this journey, we look forward to the day our joy will be completed. I have personally imagined the names and the personalities that I’d love our children to have and everything in between to adulthood.

In Scriptures, two categories of people were considered the lowest and outcasts; The Leprous and the Barren woman. While Leprosy is rare in our today world, millions of women all over the world experience the sting of infertility every year. Whether the infertility its caused by underlying health conditions, or unexplained infertility, the sting is the same. Even now, a woman who has been unable to have a child just like in scriptures are ridiculed and rebuked for something they never had control over.

Some people are downright cruel to couples experiencing infertility, some through misplaced intentions and others just ignorance. If you’re not struggling with infertility, whether single, delaying parenthood, or already a parent, here are some ways you can minister to people around you navigating through infertility;

• Be a safe space. Be a safe person they can always approach when they feels sad and need to express negative feelings. Be willing to listen even when you are not sure what to say. Don’t assume sadness means they’re not happy for you. Infertility splits us in that, one part is joyful, one bitter, both coexisting. If grief shows, it doesn’t mean they reject you or your child or they are envious, it’s just one side surfacing. Recognize complexity and understand that mixed feelings can coexist.

• Listen Well. Don’t just listen, listen to understand. I know you want to point them to the hope and comfort that is in Jesus but sometimes being quick to give suggestions and encouragement can sound like invalidating the struggle. Avoid cliches like “You need to relax so you can conceive” or “In the Lord’s timing” or “God opens the womb”. This comments can spark doubt of “So God closed my womb? Why doesn’t He want me to have children?” If these are your go-to comforts, silence may be better. Sometimes a struggling couple needs space to express anger or disappointment without judgment. Other times, they may need gentle reminders of God’s faithfulness throughout history. The key is to listen first, then respond based on what you hear rather than what you assume they need. James 1:19 …..let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak,….

• Be sensitive. If your friend is sharing with you their struggles with fertility, it’s not time to go on and on about you and your children, or your pregnancy journey and on and on. Think of other topics of conversation like work, hobbies, new projects, etc. Decentralize yourself. Romans 12:16 Be of the same mind one toward another; do not be haughty (conceited, self-important, exclusive), but associate with humble people [those with a realistic self-view]. Do not overestimate yourself.

• Pray. Your prayers carry more power than the words you say. God understands the heartache of infertility much better than you do and He is the only one who has power to change such situations. 1Thessalonians 5:25 Brothers, pray for us.

If you know someone around you in the workplace, family, friend, church, neighbor that’s struggling with infertility, be prepared to sympathize when the topic comes up, and you can do so much to encourage them simply by being a friend.

In this space, the feelings of grief, isolation and alienation are real. I have experienced them all. Cultivate an open and honest relationship with them that makes your friendship a safe space for them. I have experienced wonderful people this past four years who take time to say that they care or they are thinking about us and that has really meant so much to us. It’s the little and big things that people have done for my husband and I that have carried us through and showed us love and compassion. Every personal phone call, prayer to a hug, every little thing counts.

Choose compassion. Choose to be a friend indeed. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity..

If you are battling infertility, you are not alone. Jesus is right there with you. Be encouraged https://youtu.be/bfveawSAHJA?si=c0WX7U0i-cp7-0Fi

Blessings.